Are You Sensitive? Identifying, Understanding, and Honouring Your Sensitive Nature
I was about five or six when I first became aware of how others perceived my 'sensitivity'. At that tender age, the concept of sensitivity was a mystery to me, yet it felt like a shadow—a deep character flaw I was expected to fix without understanding how or why.
Growing up in a three-generational household was both a blessing and a challenge. My grandparents, an aunt, an uncle, a cousin, and my own family of five all shared one roof. Our home, headed by my bachelor Uncle, was a beacon of hospitality, always open to cousins and relatives from near and far—a typical South Asian family culture. Yet, amidst this lively environment, I often felt overwhelmed. Simple things—uncomfortable clothing that irritated my skin, a passing look of disapproval or a teasing/ critical remark by someone —could trigger what others viewed as temper tantrums or a total emotional breakdown.
While my childhood was rich with joy and love, it also held its share of trials. My caregivers often struggled with my heightened emotions, thus opting to leave me to find solace on my own most of the time. This often left me feeling emotionally abandoned, confused and unloved. My siblings, too, found my sensitivity challenging. My sister, just a year older, would distance herself, leaving me feeling rejected, isolated and excluded.
Reflecting on those times, it is no wonder that I treated my own sensitivity as a burden I needed to bear with or exile to the deep recesses of my psyche so that I would no longer be regarded with derision or contempt by others who saw my sensitivity as a flaw or weakness.
But of course, for anyone who is sensitive, you would probably be aware that our sensitive nature is not something we can get rid of or exile completely just because a part of us deeply desires to.
I wonder then: how do we learn to embrace our sensitivity as a strength rather than a burden? In navigating these complexities, I've learned that what once felt like a flaw can be transformed into a path towards deeper self-understanding and connection.
In a world that often feels overwhelming and dysregulating for our nervous systems, understanding the essence of sensitivity can be a profound journey towards embracing our unique strengths and finding meaningful ways to be of service in this world by honouring our sensitivity.
What Does It Mean to Be Sensitive?
Across many cultures, sensitivity is often regarded as a sign of weakness, a burden or a personality flaw that needs to be fixed. It is also often misunderstood as solely a female trait which leads to even harsher treatment of males who may display any signs of high sensitivity.
In truth, being sensitive doesn't equate to weakness; rather, it's akin to possessing an internal compass finely tuned to the emotional landscapes around you.
Like an artist who sees colours invisible to others, sensitive individuals feel emotions more intensely and are often deeply empathetic. They have a natural ability to sense underlying currents in conversations and environments, offering them insights that others might overlook.
This distinction in high sensitivity as being a separate trait, found in about 15-20% of the population was first researched by Elaine Aron, who was herself a highly sensitive. In her seminal work - A Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) - she describes high sensitivity as an increased responsiveness to environmental and social stimuli as a result of the individual possessing a more sensitive nervous system and processing sensory data more deeply. This deeper processing of sensory data then manifests as heightened emotional responses, increased empathy, and a greater awareness of subtleties in their surroundings.
In Elaine Aron's exploration of high sensitivity, she also clarifies what this trait is not.
High sensitivity is not a flaw or a disorder; it's not something that needs fixing or curing.
It is not synonymous with introversion, though many sensitive individuals may be introverted.
High sensitivity doesn't equate to being shy or socially anxious. While some highly sensitive people might experience these feelings, they are separate from the innate trait of sensitivity.
It's not about being fragile or unable to handle stress; it's about needing different strategies to manage it effectively.
Importantly, high sensitivity is not an excuse for avoiding life's challenges or responsibilities. It does not mean you're weak or overly emotional; rather, it reflects a deep processing of experiences, both joyful and painful.
High sensitivity is not a barrier to success or happiness. Instead, it can be a profound gift that, when understood and embraced, allows you to navigate the world with a unique depth and richness.
The Roots of High Sensitivity: Personal, Environmental, Intergenerational, and Spiritual
High sensitivity in individuals can have various origins, each contributing to the unique way they experience the world.
One significant root is the presence of a more highly attuned nervous system. This biological trait allows sensitive individuals to process sensory information more deeply, often from birth. This heightened sensory awareness can make them more cautious of their environments, enabling them to navigate the world with a keen sense of awareness and understanding.
In some cases, high sensitivity may result from early childhood trauma/ adversities. When faced with adverse experiences, a child's nervous system may adapt by becoming more sensitive to ensure survival in a perceived threatening environment. However, distinguishing whether an individual's sensitivity is innate or trauma-induced can be challenging, particularly if the trauma occurred before conscious memory.
Furthermore, children born with high sensitivity are more susceptible to experiencing trauma and emotional or attachment injuries due to their deeply processing nervous systems, which can intensify their responses to adverse events. This further complicates the ability to distinguish between an individual who was born sensitive and one who became more sensitive to adapt to their traumatising environments.
Beyond the biological and environmental aspects, high sensitivity can also be perceived as a legacy passed down from one’s ancestors. This inherited trait may serve as a mechanism for addressing and healing intergenerational and cultural burdens. By being attuned to the emotional and energetic currents of their lineage, highly sensitive individuals can play a crucial role in transforming and releasing the weight of intergenerational burdens and traumas.
This also suggests that high sensitivity may have a deeper spiritual purpose beyond that of a simple biological/ evolutionary purpose - something that is less known or talked about. Those with heightened sensitivity often possess a profound capacity for empathy, allowing them to connect deeply with others and contribute to healing the world around them. This empathetic ability can thus be seen as a spiritual gift, enabling them to offer support and understanding to others in meaningful ways - a role that is much needed in our communities today as it was in the past. In fact, many sensitives may find themselves naturally drawn towards roles in both their personal or professional lives, where they are offering support, care or healing to others in some capacity.
My mentor/ teacher Asia Suler further shares that being born with a highly sensitive nervous system is not by accident but by conscious design - a belief I deeply resonate with. Our souls had consciously chosen to be born in bodies with a more finely attuned nervous system for a reason, and our sensitivity thus serves a spiritual purpose that we are here to fulfil.
Overall, high sensitivity is a complex trait with roots in our biology, spirituality, ancestry, and lived experiences. Recognising these various origins is key for sensitive individuals to begin their journey of healing their lived experiences of navigating this world with a more sensitive nervous system.
Do you ever wonder if you're part of this unique group blessed with high sensitivity? Below are some indicators that might resonate with your personal experience.
Signs You Might Be Highly Sensitive
Deep Empathy: Highly sensitive individuals often have a profound ability to empathise with others. It isn't just something practised; it's woven into your very being. You can intuitively understand and share the feelings of those around them, almost as if you are walking in another's shoes.
Heightened Awareness: Sensitivity often comes with an acute awareness of subtleties in the environment—sounds, lights, textures, or even unspoken emotions (carefully intuited by watching others’ non-verbal expressions and sensing their energies). It's as if you have an inner radar finely tuned to detect what others might miss.
Emotional Intensity: Feelings can be experienced more intensely, both the joyous and the challenging ones. This can sometimes feel like riding a wave that others may not even see. Do you find yourself swept up in emotions more often than not?
Deep Reflection: A tendency towards introspection is common, with a rich inner life that involves deep thought and contemplation. This can lead to profound insights and self-awareness, akin to an artist constantly refining their masterpiece.
Sensitivity to Criticism: Words can feel like arrows, striking more deeply than intended. Sensitive individuals might dwell on criticism longer, replaying it in their minds in an attempt to make sense of it.
Need for Alone Time: Due to the intensity of experiences, alone time is crucial for recharging (even if you might be more of an extroverted sensitive). It’s like needing to find a quiet corner in a bustling world to breathe and reconnect with oneself.
Overwhelm in Crowded Settings: Highly sensitive individuals may become overstimulated by environments filled with excessive sensory input simply because they absorb everything so deeply. Places with lots of stimuli can thus be draining. The noise, the lights, the multitude of interactions can feel like a storm, and finding shelter becomes necessary.
Deep Appreciation of Art and Nature: There is often a profound connection to beauty, whether in a piece of music, art, or the natural world. It's as if these experiences speak directly to the soul, offering solace and inspiration.
Strong Intuition: Trusting your gut feelings is not just a saying; it’s a reality. Sensitive individuals often rely on their intuition to guide them, sensing what is unseen yet profoundly felt.
Tendency to be drawn to spirituality: As sensitive nervous systems are more finely attuned to different energies emanating from all living and non-living things in this world, there is an almost natural and innate attraction in sensitives to be drawn towards spirituality, religion or philosophy that speaks to the mystery and sacredness of life.
It's important to remember that this is a non-exhaustive list. Each person's sensitivity may manifest uniquely, like a fingerprint of the soul.
In some cases, you might even find that past emotional injuries or traumas have led you to become numb, temporarily shutting down or denying your sensitivity. This can alter how your sensitivity is expressed in the world such as losing connection with your innate intuitive power, or being seen as someone who has a highly explosive temper (when in fact, you are just too overstimulated and dysregulated by your environment).
Hence, if there are aspects of sensitivity that does not fully resonate with your own experience, that’s okay - trust in your own discernment and get curious about how your sensitivity is being expressed or repressed both in the past and present.
Reflect on your own journey with sensitivity:
How do you currently experience your sensitivity?
If sensitivity currently feels like a struggle for you, how might you begin to see this trait as a strength rather than a hindrance?
What steps can you take to honour your sensitivity while engaging fully with the world around you?
And if you’re a sensitive, I would love to know what resonated with you and what didn’t, or if you might have even more questions around your sensitive nature that you’d like to ask - leave a comment below, and let me know.
